Ponder

I am supposed to go out rite now, but am lazy coz I slept late yesterday. I could not sleep because I slept a lot during the day. And this morning, I was waken up by Sarah.

She woke me up bcoz one of the Dr. (which we volunteered to help with her research) called her and asked her to forward info of the missing PAPER. Let us rewind a bit....

PREVIOUSLY: There is this one Dr. who asked for our help to get info for her research. Sarah, W and me decided to help. One day, we met her and handed her the info on a piece of PAPER. And at the same time, W help out by asking his parent for some info.

NOW: So she LOST the PAPER. Ok fine! Then she called Sarah and asked her to forward her the info, which of course, I did NOT make any copy of it. Then I remember that W said his parent already email him the info. Then I decided to call W. And it was 7+ in the MORNING. I was pissed off a little, but never mind. And as I expected, W still asleep. I called him for several time and luckily he called me back on the _ _ th (which I cannot recall) time. After he help us out, I try to get back to sleep, but cannot. Texted with W until he ignore me. Well...thats it!

Now let us do some pondering...

Why are certain things are hard to get, while others are easy?

Hmmm...I think, it is for the purpose to teach us on how to be thankful and appreciate things more... This is because, when we get things through hardship, we will tend to appreciate it more, than those that are easy to get....

For example in my situation it is: marriage. I really want to get married, but somehow there are no one for me could look upon to. However, I will not give up and will continue my search. It is true that the person will come to you, but you still have to try. And for now, I did not befriend with any guys, except for W (coz he is my bestman). W scolded me for not making friend with guys....Well, I have my own reason and that is I am saving myself from falling into the wrong guy.

I know myself well. I am the kind who will fall easily for someone who is close to me (except for W coz there are many reasons). The previous relationships I had are enough to teach me what my mistakes are. I want to keep a safer gap between me and my guyfriends.

And recently, I did something which I was not suppossed to do with W!!!!!

We did something together and then, out of my stupidity, I told him that I feel like I wanna to ask his hand for marriage! WTH...There, you see....I cannot get too close with any guys. ANd luckily that W did not take it seriously (well, I did not sound serious, of course!). He laughed and said that I am funny. YEaH...you damn right, W! Thanks for not taking it seriously....

And the question now is, am I not that serious?

Well, from the deepest of my heart, I do feel a little bit of attraction towards W. It is impossible for two souls, from opposite gender, who are INTIMATE and having no feeling at all. I admit that I do have feelings for him, but not to the extent of wanting him to be my husband. NO!

Another question is: What if He is the ONe?

If that is the case, then I will have to think about it first. If he is mature enough, he will know exactly what to do. I do not want to say or ask for much bcoz I trust him. I do have faith in him but I do not have high expectation on him. I do want to burden him. He is my first and only bestman in this world. I appreciate him sooooo much that I do not him to get hurt.

Thank ALLAH for letting me to know him...

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