On Hold

Feeling. This feeling. Why can't I get rid of this stupid feeling?

When something good happened, there will always something bad will either stop it or just interfere with it...why is that so?

I tried to forget him, let go of him, but somehow, this feeling will always keep coming back... perhaps i should try harder...yes, perhaps...

And yes...

...he was there for me =) (plus YOu...you know who you are *winks*)

People would always say that friend in need is a friend indeed...however, sometimes we just need someone that is right and at the right place.

When one people gone, another will come to us. As for that someone, W, was there for me last night. Listening to the unfortunate story of mine... then slowly he gave me some advices...

"Always learn from mistakes, Fadiah... Whatever had happened are the past. You must face your phobia so that you will know whether you still had that phobia or not...."

And yes, it is true.

About the other guy, he was silent as usual. I gave him my last sms yesterday. I apologized to him for all my wrong-doings and I tell him that I will not disturb him anymore. And that's it.

Things are just soooo vague between us. It is just impossible to continue something which are clearly unclear...I've tried my best. and yes...It's time to move on...

Something + sometimes + someone =)

Hola Peeps...

In life, there will always be something which beyond our expectation happened...

Just now, i had a short chat with one of my guy friends...i've mentioned him before in some of my previous posts...and frankly speaking, I am quite closed with 3 guys right now...and all of them still are full of questions and answers....

Ok, so back to the chatting thing...I saw him online on YM so I greet him...here are a bit of our conversation:


me: salam awak!


him: salam.


me: apa kabar? awak tengah keja ke?


him: khabar baik. haah.


me: sori ganggu.


him: tidak mengapa. bila exam?


me: 17 june. cepat kan? awak tak cuti ke?


him: Saya dapat keja kat penang. Mayb pertengahan bulan ni kena lapor diri.


me: Alhamdulillah. bagus la. dekat dgn family awak. keja apa tu?


him: production executive. tu lar dekat dgn family. tapi lagi jauh dgn awk. huhu


me: eleh...takpe la jauh di mata. hehe... awak, keja tu buat pe?


him: ok awak...saya ada keja nak wat.



he signed out. I was like....WTH. he is a guy which is full of questions and it is really hard to figure it out. what does is mean when he says "...lagi jauh dgn awak..."? It was like there is something that have to do with the distance which apart us...

I did not care to consider about him until he said like dis. hmmm....

And about the other guy, things are quite neutral a bit. Alhamdulillah....he contacted me back only that we want to give some times to ourselves. We have clear things out. I hope that Allah will show me the way to my one and only guy...I'm sick and tired with all these questions and game...
Hmmm....

And there he goes....aGain....

When you are in a relationship with someone, you will tend to expect more than you usually do...

That's the problem with me....

He is the kind of guy who will come and go in my life....

but when I'm into this relationship with him, I expected him to contact me all the time...

and of course, he will not contact me every day....coz he is himself.

And I am too selfish...always want things to be like what I want...never considered about how he feels...

Stop blaming him, Fadiah!

Holding On

People come and go in your life...there will always be the new and old ones...

And those who stay along the way in your life deserves so much and should be appreciated...

An interesting update in my life: I'm getting to feel something towards someone...

Like a song goes: "It started with a feeling...which then grew into a hope..."

yeah...that's totally right.

It's all begins with a simple phone call...then started with friendship, without knowing one another...then slowly feelings bloomed and there we are...in a relationship, but still...there are some vague things that I have to make it clear....

It is difficult when you know someone who is new to you...Meaning that: u did not know anyone who is related to him...you did not know his past (except for what he told you) and you did not have anyone to refer to...

So in that case, you will have to trust him and only him. And yes, even though there will always be risks, you will have to face it.

I trust him with all my heart, however there will always be to certain extend which I did not trust him fully....I will do as best as I can...and I am totally into this relationship. Unless if there is no future for us, then I will follow it if that is the best for me.

He is such a bless for me as I am for him.

"O Allah, grant us with happiness and make it easier for us in our future. Ameen..."

Whatever...

Do not hate people, Fadiah....

Yeah...i know that hatred is not good, but somehow I cant control it...

I've tried many ways...avoidance, neglect him...but still, i cant get him out of my mind...

Come on la, Fadiah...try your best and take those who love you...not those who you loved...

today, i had my midterm...yesterday, i could not study at all...i was reading the notes for today midterm and yet, my mind was wandering around on the thoughts of him and what we had done...

O Allah...help me please....

The on and off...

When people tell than they like you and then they ignore you...it is soooo annoying..

Last nite, I make it all clear with him...

I told him that if he wants to ignore me, then I am fine with that. I am done with him!

Decision

In life, there will be time for you to make decisions. Be it an important one or not, decisions will always be things that will affect your life.

The same goes with me. There are a looooooot decisions that I have to make such as to continue my studies, having relationship with someone etc.

Recently, I made a decision to meet with someone who i rarely know... We went out and he brought me around kL...i went back around 4 am...and yes, I admit that I am crazy. But trusting someone who rarely know, is it wrong?

I'm not sure of my true feelings towards him. The only thing that I know that I trust him as long as he is sincere with me...I did not force him to contact me or become close to me. If he want to, then it is my pleasure. But if he want to stop, then it is my pleasure to stop. I am not the one who will do something that someone else did not want to....

Mission:Impossible?

Greeting Earthlings! =)

Right now, I'm still stuck in this IIUM planet...Tomorrow, I'm going to another planet named Putrajaya...hehe. I'm going to visit my best ever friend in this planet ---> Nani. Plus, I wanna repeat my Quranic memorization...insyaAllah...

Well, i just finished my final paper last saturday. I am supposed to go back to my home, but still stuck because of this experimental crap. So this is how the story goes:

Last week, I was excited to finish my exams because I joined a program called "Bakti Siswa ke Pelantok". Then on 15th April, which was Wednesday, I received a message, informed that for the petition of Experimental class, there will be a re-check on marks. So we will have to recheck it on our own, according to the rubric that will be produced by the department.

hmmm...I thought of just to let it go, but then this guy adviced me to wait and do the rechecking because it is which will not occur all the time. So i decided to give it a shot. The problem is that: this RUBRIC is not out until now! (the moment I wrote this entry!)

The question is: how long do I have to wait?

So I decided to go to Putrajaya and not to stay in this planet. I like to stay here because I get time for myself...all alone. And I like! When I am alone, I get to do whatever I like and no one is going to order or tell me what to do...it is freedom. However, I do like to be with people. Only sometimes, I need time for myself. Just like now.

I need time to think for the next step of my life. What I'm going to do, how to polish back what I've learnt in life so far...there are a lot of thing to be considered...that is why I need time to be alone...And yes, I agreed with what my lecturer said: Loneliness is solitude...and indeed, it is =)

I decided to go back on the 28th, after I have settled everything...then I will go back...InsyaAllah...

And there is something juicy going on in my life... The mystery guy wanted to meet with me this coming weekend... I still cannot decide whether I want to meet him or not...Haiya! So fickle-minded of me...

And another one more juicy thing: I gave 'the guy' a card for his farewell. In this card, there is a letter which I stated about what I felt towards him (but not that obvious...duh!). And his response: he told me that there are some part which he did not understand. And when I asked him, he did not reply. Haiz....nevermind la...

I was thinking whether to take someone who likes you or someone who you like? hmmm...

Suratan atau Kebetulan?

Hye peeps!

It have been long since the last time I post an entry...been a bit busy with exams...left 2 more papers...All the best for me =)

Oh ya...last night, someone smsed me...someone who i thought had gone from my life...

He text me around midnite...during that tyme, I was asleep but then awake becoz of the msg...hehe

We talked and talked...it was quite surprise because he begin the sms with the info that he got married. haha...

In my heart, i was like: "Who cares?" hahaha

Then in the middle of our conversation, he told me something which he was supposed have done in a few years of our friendship...he told me that he LIKES me...

and how did i react to this?

Well...i just told him that I just knew it. But couldn't do anything. because he is married.

Hmmm... he is just not the one. I didn't even get the chance to meet him. Our relationship just based on the hp. We never met. Talked for several times on the phone. And uncountable time of sms.

I trust him eventhough i knew there is always a risk when you befriended with someone who you rarely know.

But i didn't really care how he thinks of me and the way he treated me. I just know that he is my friend and i like him as a friend.

Ok. that's all for this entry. Gotta go back and have my lunch. Damn hungry. Toodle-looo....

That path....

Salam people...

Right now, I'm in S'pore, having a short break from exams....I have this 10 days of exam gaps...

At first. I don't want to go back, because I want to study. But my parents came to KL on Sunday, and they ask me whether I would like to follow them back or not. At first, I was like...."ermmm...let me think about it first k..." Later that night, I decided to go back. I cannot find any reasons on why I want to go back. It is just a sudden decision and I lyke!

I rarely make a sudden decision because I'm a fickle-minded person. And I think that I wanna change. Yeah....I want to make changes within myself. It is not that I don't like myself, but I just feel that I need to change. I want to stop all these crappy things that I have been doing...such as wasting my time, living without goals, gossiping about people etc.

I realized this thing after I watched a Japanese drama titled 'Rookies'. It was a good drama that make me realized something I would have done it a looooong time ago. But, I know that it is not too late for me. I still have time to grab my opportunity. I want to make changes within myself and bring or do some changes to others' lives. It does not matter who the others are. What matter is I want to give. Yeah....just like one of the famous Ustaz quoted: "Erti hidup pada memberi" which means "The meaning of life is on what you give".

And yes, I have been doing a lot of thinking nowadays. There are many thoughts been floating inside my mind. The thoughts of my future plans, my exams, my interests ----> the third species.

If you have read my previous post, you would have notice one of my entry, talking about these species. I don't want to elaborate much about them. I don't know why I interested in them. The only thing I know that I am curious to know on how their mind really work. Recently, I visited some these species' blogs. It was beyond my expectation, because I didn't expect. I just did some blog readings and accidently encountered it. And as what expected from them, most of them lived based on desires. They changed partners, hunted for new and good looking men... And yes, of course I am being judgmental. Don't you worry cause that is one of my specialities *winks*.

Enough about them...Now I would like to update about my relationship progress.

I have to admit that I am not good in the romance thingy. It is just not my interest and I know that I will have to learn a lot about it. I once talked to my friend about it and she said that I have to learn. and YES, there are a lot of things that I must learn.

About 'the guy', I have did uncountable of istikharah and I still have to continue to do it till I made up my mind about him. But in the meantime, just let the matter rest for awhile. If he did feel the same way, he will know what to do.

Oh ya...I think that Im gonna feel sad because one of my close-frens is going to graduate. We fought a lot, always arguing...but deep down inside, I love her as my own sister. I do not know how to express and like I mentioned. I have a looot to learn for this musy-mushy stuffs.

k la, continue next entry. will be going back to IIUM this Friday & for now, just live the present and for the future!!!



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Just a peek...

Peace be upon you people =)

Just had my second paper this morning and it was ok-ok la...hehe...

And before the exam, I received sms from 'the guy', wishing me luck for my paper =)

Now, I have 10 days gap for my next paper...I have a loooooooooot of time to study and revise for my remaining papers....

Ok la,got to go. wanna have dinner with my roomies...weeee~

If only he knew...

Another 1 more day to my finals...yeah, tomorrow is my first paper & still do not know how to study..it is the LE 4000 paper...and I did not expect it to be easy, but tonight, I will gonna have to read Readers' Digest a looooot...and add ups on my vocabularies...insyaAllah...

Ok, right now, I'm sitting at the HS lab, and sitting in front of me is 'the guy' and well....hmmm... just like the title stated..if only...

Stop it, Fadiah...

Probably I should stop my nonsense dreams...I know it is good to have dreams, because through dreams, you will have a purpose of life...

Yesterday, I had a conversation with my old old friend...and it was a nice conversation...I shared with her my story...and she, well sort of advising me, said that I have to stop taking the first step...and I found out that, indeed, in my previous relationships, I was the one who would make the first step...it was always me...and she is correct...so, stop it, Fadiah.

I just realized that if a guy fall for you, he will know what to do...we don't have to teach him or ask him...he will know it by himself...just like us, if we want something, we would grab it without others teach or force us to do...

So, the time will come, Fadiah....just pray and never ever give up...If he is the one for you, then he will know what to do =)

Ok...so after this, I will have to submit my final group assignment & go back straight to my room and do a lot of reading... (takde kene-mengena pun dgn citer tadi...haha)

All the best for me! *wink*

Study la...

Right now, in my room, connected to the internet through Sarah's wireless...all the people were out...except for me...didnt want to follow because i am too lazy to go out. Besides that, I need some space for myself and I need to study! LOL...

Just spent 2 hours of studying, then I get bored easily...hmmm..need to motivate myself more... Need to think of my parents' investments on my studies, need to think of the real purpose of my studies....if I think of those things, the spirit will increase but a bit only...hehe

Plus, as human, we definitely can't study for more than 2 hours, right? even in classes/tutorials, it will be conducted not more than 2 hours, because after that, our concentration will travel to somewhere else...so for my own convenience, I will make myself study for one or one & half hour, then I will take some rest for a couple of hour, then will continue on my study track again...I don't want to limit my rest, becoz it will be useless for me. I would not follow the rules...haha

So besides than study, what else did I do today?

Hmmm...let see...I logged into FB, put on some comments, did some laundry in the morning, did some room cleaning, went to the cafe for Brunch, stared at books for several hours...that's all I think..

And oh yeah, I received SMS from Ammori, wishing all the best for my finals...hehe

He is the only one who did that so far...really appreciate it...

And about that guy, I decided to give it a rest. I did some istikharah and found that this feelings is becoming more neutral... Alhamdulillah...Well, ALLAH always know what's the best for me =)

ok. that's all for now. gotta switch back my study mode. hehe. Pray for me ya!

Wait Lah!

And indeed, I'm a procrastinator....

Just finished two of my group assignments & left one more conclusion to do...then revision tyme!

Exams are just around the corner...my first paper is on the 3rd of April, Friday. I haven't start any revisions yet...

Right now, I'm in Singapore and gonna have my journey back to IIUM tonite...I had to go back because my father told me to submit the MTFA bursary form. But when I went to MTFA, for submission, I found out that the application is open for JC and Poly students only...haiz...

But nevermind...I had some good times in my country. Went out with some of my girlfriends, chatting with some of my great buddies and staring at my lappy for many hours, to finish the literature review that I had to do.

And now, Alhamdulillah...I manage to finish all my works before going back to IIUM...as the saying goes: "There is always blessings in every challenges.."

Hmmm...I have this urge to write many things for this entry...what else eh?

Hah...before continue my story, I would like to let you know something about me...

Eventhough I seems like a talkative and outspoken person, but it does not apply to me all the time...there are somethings which I kept and never let a living soul knows about it...for example: my 'true' feeling towards some of my guyfriends...and it does not mean that I am lying...it is just that I feel that it is not necessary to tell everyone about it...

And yeah, currently I got to know this guy...he is quite nice, but as people, we are all imperfect...so there are something which I don't like about him...

Dyat told me that I am a judgmental person, and indeed, I am.

So I tend to jump easily to conclusion. I think that he likes me but he didnt dare to tell me. The way he treat, look and talk to me reflects his feelings, sometimes....however, I do dare to ask him. I would follow my friends' advice: Just go with the flow...

And yeah...I will just follow his lead...and until he takes the move, then I will definitely respond to it! yeaY! heee

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