Maju Terus...

Baju sama, tapi isi lain *winks*

Assalammualaikum...

Dyah tengah kerajinan untuk nak update blog. So bare with me k... Kalau Dyah membebel apa2, dengarkan je la...

Ok, dah seminggu Dyah kat Singapore. Tak sabar nak alek Malaysia Eh, dah tak payah gi Malaysia lagi. Yahooooooooooooooooo~ Melainkan kalau ada urusan atau untuk holiday... Selain dari tu, Malaysia hanya lah sekadar kenangan =)

Dalam seminggu ni, takde buat benda sangat pun. Duduk rumah, kebosanan, tengok laptop, kemas bilik, kemas rumah, kemas laptop, kuar jumpa kawan2, siapkan resume & cuba apply mana2 keja yang ada... Kalau ada rezeki, insyaAllah tak kemana ;)

Macam gitu jugak dengan jodoh dan ajal... 3 benda ni, kita tak payah nak fikir sangat. Apa yang penting cuma USAHA & jangan sekali2 berputus asa...

Sebab tu Dyah nak maju dan gerak terus...kalau omputih kata "MOVE ON". Hah...macam gitulah...

Memang senang bila cakap, tapi kalau nak buat....MasyaAllah..Hanya Allah saja yang tahu.

Untuk jalan terus & tak pandang belakang ni, memang payah sgt kalau tak kuat.

Cuba kita tengok eh:

*berapa ramai orang yang tak kawin akibat putus cinta & terbayang2 kekasih lama?



*berapa ramai orang yang masih bermusuhan kerana tak dapat nak maafkan kesalahan lalu?



*berapa ramai orang mengalami tekanan perasaan kerana gagal dalam kehidupan & merasakan hidup itu tak patot diteruskan?

Jawapannya: Ramai.

Semoga kita tak tergolong dalam orang2 begini. Na'uzubillah...

Kadang2 bila tengok orang ada someone special, rasa jeles dan stress sikit. Tapi Dyah masih dapat kawal diri lagi.

Dyah teringat seorang sahabat pernah buat luahan:

"Kak, macam mana rasa ada pakwe?"

"Mula2 best la, tapi kena banyak sabar la. Tapi overall, tak best."

"Tu la. Saya ni tak penah ada matair. Kadang2 bila tengok orang ada matair. Stress jugak. Tapi sabar je."

"Bagos la. Awak kena kuat. Takmo ikutkan perasaan sangat. Sabar tu ada ganjaran dia."

"Tapi susah betol kan nak jumpa orang baik..?"

"Memang susah. Tapi tu semua ada hikmah. Lantaran kesusahan itu lah, kita akan lebih menghargai kalau kita dah jumpa nanti. Sabar k. Sampai masa nanti, datanglah putera raja awak tu..."

"Hehe...InsyaAllah. Untuk akak jugak."

"InsyaAllah..."

Selesai perbualan ringkas tu, Dyah berbisik pada diri: "Aku kagum dengan kecekalan dan kesabaran dia."

Sahabat Dyah tu tak pernah ada hubungan istimewa dengan mana2 lelaki. Dia kata dia nak tunggu dan sabar untuk suaminya saja. Bagos betol! Tak macam Dyah ni. Haiz.... Dah pernah ada dulu, cukuplah. Sekarang Dyah nak simpan hati ini, untuk orang2 yang pandai menghargai Dyah & bakal suami saja. InsyaAllah.

Oh, btw kan, Dyah nak korang semua tahu yang Dyah tak menentang sesapa yang nak ada matair ke, pakwe ke, balak ke, jati ke & yang sewaktu dengannya..

Itu semua terpulang yang empunya HATI k. Kalau korang sayang HATI korang, pilih la yang mana korang rasa baik ;)

Dyah hanya menentang benda ni untuk diri Dyah saja. Sebab Dyah nak jaga diri ni untuk bakal suami tersayang. Dyah tak nak bazirkan perasaan untuk orang2 yang tak menjamin apa2. Kita ni manusia. Kita perlukan jaminan. Sebab itu, untuk manusia ni, ALLAH sediakan syurga dan neraka itu sebagai jaminan. Kita KENA ada benda2 macam gitu untuk meningkatkan usaha kita.

Sama jugak dengan HATI ni. Buat apa lah bagi hati kat orang yg tak menghargai kita, yang tak sudi nak dengan kita.

Dyah selalu ingat pesanan nenek: "Dyah, kalau nak cari suami, cari orang yang SUDI dengan kita ye...."

InsyaAllah...Dyah akan terus cari & tak akan putus asa. Semoga dipermudahkan segalanya. Ameeen....

Penjelasan

Assalammualaikum

Tentang luahan perasaan Dyah semalam, Dyah nak semua tahu yang Dyah sama sekali TIDAK menyalahkan W. Malah, dyah bersyukur sangat dapat kawan mcm dia.

Dengan kehadiran dia, Dyah dapat belajar untuk lebih menghargai kawan...

Dengan kehadiran dia, Dyah dapat mengenali kelemahan diri...

Dengan kehadiran dia, Dyah dapat jadi lebih kuat dari yang sebelumnya...

Walaupun kita selalu gaduh...kadang2 tak bertegur-sapa sehari dua...tapi Dyah maseh hargai dia sebagai seorang kawan. Kita pernah kongsi sesuatu.

Apa yang Dyah kongsi semalam, hanyalah sekadar luahan. Dah lepas tu, dah tak simpan apa2 lagi. Walaupun terkilan, tapi Dyah sedia maafkan dia. Sebab Dyah tak suka berdendam. Bukan nak step baik, cuma memang ni DIRI Dyah. Dyah tak pandai nak marah lama2, malas nak dendam2...rasa buang masa je.

Kadang2 tulis pasal benda2 mcm gini pun, rasa tak penting. Sebab perasaan kan. Bila2 masa boleh berubah.

Ok, cukuplah cerita ttg W. kerana dia hanya persinggahan. Semua benda kat dunia ni hanya sementara sbb ni kan tempat persinggahan.

Ada benda yang lebih penting untuk Dyah fikirkan.

Dyah dah banyak sangat buat salah. Dyah tak nak terus buat salah lagi.... Dyah tahu org mesti cakap belakang Dyah sebab Dyah pun kadang2 cakap pasal orang... Biarlah selagi diorang boleh bercakap.... Teruskanlah...

Yang penting dyah tahu apa yang dyah buat. Titik.

Assalammualaikum.

Perasaan Saya

Assalammualaikum

Ok. nak cuba tulis dalam bahasa Melayu. Ayoosh dah cuba. Sekarang giliran dyah pula. Hehe..

Dalam hidup ini, terlalu banyak keputusan yang kita kena buat. Sebab tu kita kena pilih betol2. Tapi kalau org mcm dyah ni, yang selalu berubah2 fikiran, susah sikit la...Dyah mmg tak pandai nak buat keputusan yg penting, tapi Dyah nak cuba jugak. Dyah tak nak berputus asa.

Macam gitu jugak dgn perasaan ni.

Suka kat orang, tapi orang tak suke kat kita. Kadang tu pulak, kita tak suka kat orang, tapi orang suka kat kita. Layan je laaaa. Kadang2 penat nak layan perasaan ni. Dyah bukan nye seorang yang suka layan perasaan, tapi orang selalu ingat Dyah takde perasaan. Kenapa eh?

Dyah kawan dgn W. Baik dengan dia. Tapi kadang2 dia tak faham Dyah. Dyah penah tanya dia, dia anggap Dyah sebagai apa. Dia kata kawan rapat. Tapi macam gini ke kawan?

Bukan ke kawan kena kongsi susah & senang bersama?

Bukan ke kawan kena ada bila kita perlukan seseorang?

Bukan ke kawan kena saling tolong-menolong?

Tapi tu semua Dyah tak rasa bila dengan W. Ini betol-betol, bukan cobaan.

Selalu Dyah je yang dengar masalah dia. Masalah Dyah? Jangan haraplah dia nak tanya. Dyah je yang kadang2 cerita atau minta pendapat dia.

Semua tentang dia. Dia suka perempuan tu, dia stress dengan budak tu, dia ada masalah ni, mcam2 la....Tentang Dyah?

Dyah tak harap dia concern pasal dia. Cuma SEKARANG ni, Dyah baru sedar yang selama ni PERSAHABATAN kita berat sebelah. Dyah tak harapkan balasan dari dia, tapi Dyah cuma nak dia tahu yang Dyah ni manusia. Masih ada perasaan. Masih ada hati.

Kalau sesapa yang baca Blog Dyah ni & kenal dgn W, sila la pesan dgn dia.

Dyah hargai dia sebagai kawan. Dyah tak marah. Dyah tak sedih. Cuma Dyah terkilan.

Kita semua manusia. Setiap perbuatan kita ada batas. Nak jadi baik, ada batas. Nak jadi jahat pun ada batas. Dyah tahu W pun manusia. Ada kelemahan. Dyah akan maafkan kalau itu yg dipinta. Cuma Dyah nak di dengar dan nak DIA tahu.

Cukup lah 2 tahun Dyah lalui. Agaknya sebab tu la antara lelaki & perempuan tak boleh rapat sgt. Mungkin.

Dyah TAK salahkan dia. Sebab apa yang terjadi pada diri Dyah, Dyah yang pilih. Dyah nak dia tahu supaya dia tak akan buat orang lain mcm mana dia buat Dyah.

Dan sekarang ni, keputusan Dyah untuk tinggalkan dia. Walaupun amat berat dan payah, Dyah nak cuba. Sebab....

Dyah dah penat.

Assalammualaikum =)

Pre-FareWELL

My farewell event is tonight. And I'm nervous. don't know what to wear. and what to talk for the speech part. Ok, let skip that part.

I'm just in the mood of blogging as I can't sleep rite now. Haiz...

Ok, let me tell you something. I've heard what people have been talking behind my back about how I have changed and not really similar to my past.

Whatever it is, let me get this damn straight to you, who might be reading this:
I AM HAPPY FOR BEING ABLE TO BE MYSELF.

Some might wonder, what about the previous me?

Well, it is still me and NOW I am ME.

So please, please and please STOP worrying about me. I might make mistakes, might fall in love, get hurt, being lied, get stabbed or whatever. It is all about MY Life.

If YOU have something that you wanna say to me, say it in front of my face. I can handle it. Don't worry. the problem is that YOU are not able to say it straight to my face.

SO when someone doesn't have the courage to say it straight to your face, does that make them a coward?

My first answer will be YES. but then, when I think properly, NO. because probably there are things that better for you NOT to know, rather than knowing it and you couldn't do anything about it.

And if you DO really concern about my LIFE, just PRAY for me k. Make DUAA for me. I'm glad when you do that. I'll appreciate that!

Oh btw, if you thought that you could know everything about my life, my secrets etc. from my blog, then You are living in a dream land, babe. Coz I'm not like gonna blog EXACTLY everything here. (I wonder, if there is even anyone who do that?) *scratch head*

EnD

For every beginning thing in this world, there will always be the end.

That goes the same for me.

After these 4 years, studying in IIUM, it will be the time for me to leave. SooN.

A lot of my friends kept reminding me on how many more months I left for me to stay here (IIUM). And for those who kept reminding me, I will scold them. Haha. So you don't have to remind me k...coz I will feel as if waiting for my day to die...Huhuhu...


So right now, I'm not going to think about all those leaving-IIUM-thing... I will just continue with my remaining life as student. I want to enjoy every moment of it.


And Right now, I am looking forward to ----> my friends' CONVOCATION and this SATURDAY. weeee~

A thing about Rayer

As you all know that I am not in the mood for Rayer, therefore I won't be blogging anything about my Rayer celebration.

Right now, I cannot sleep after came back from the WHOLE day of RAYER visiting.

Sometimes I just felt that as a Malay Muslim, we took for granted of these ISLAMIC celebration. This Rayer thingy is more to CULTURAL celebration, rather than ISLAMIC celebration. AS a born Malay Muslim, that is how I felt sometimes. But when I put myself in a situation as a MUSLIM rather than a MALAY MUSLIM, I found that this celebration is meaningful when you are able to achieve some of the goals which you have set during Ramadhan.

Sorry to say this, but most of the Malay, they regarded this Eidulfitri as their OWN celebration. They have their Own tradition to celebrate this festival. They have their Rayer songs, foods etc.

You may say that the Arabs also might have their way to celebrate it. Yeah, but at least they are not as exaggerated as WE did. They did not celebrated it for the wHoLe Syawal, although they did the fastings for the WHOLE Ramadhan.

The question is: is Eidulfitri a celebration of faith or celebration of culture?

I may be a bit sarcistic. But I just could not help not to think about it. I do celebrate it, but not for the whole month. I did some house-visiting, in order to refresh our blood-relationship. As everybody would notice that nowadays, people are attached more to their friends, rather that relatives. And that includes ME!

Sometimes I am grateful that there is Syawal. I would always say this to myself:
"Nasib baik lah ada rayer...Kalau tak, mesti kita tak kenal sape sedara kita..."

I do not want to say that myself is all the goody-goody type, as I am NOT. But I really MISSED Ramadhan. *sigh*

On Hold

Feeling. This feeling. Why can't I get rid of this stupid feeling?

When something good happened, there will always something bad will either stop it or just interfere with it...why is that so?

I tried to forget him, let go of him, but somehow, this feeling will always keep coming back... perhaps i should try harder...yes, perhaps...

Holding On

People come and go in your life...there will always be the new and old ones...

And those who stay along the way in your life deserves so much and should be appreciated...

An interesting update in my life: I'm getting to feel something towards someone...

Like a song goes: "It started with a feeling...which then grew into a hope..."

yeah...that's totally right.

It's all begins with a simple phone call...then started with friendship, without knowing one another...then slowly feelings bloomed and there we are...in a relationship, but still...there are some vague things that I have to make it clear....

It is difficult when you know someone who is new to you...Meaning that: u did not know anyone who is related to him...you did not know his past (except for what he told you) and you did not have anyone to refer to...

So in that case, you will have to trust him and only him. And yes, even though there will always be risks, you will have to face it.

I trust him with all my heart, however there will always be to certain extend which I did not trust him fully....I will do as best as I can...and I am totally into this relationship. Unless if there is no future for us, then I will follow it if that is the best for me.

He is such a bless for me as I am for him.

"O Allah, grant us with happiness and make it easier for us in our future. Ameen..."

Whatever...

Do not hate people, Fadiah....

Yeah...i know that hatred is not good, but somehow I cant control it...

I've tried many ways...avoidance, neglect him...but still, i cant get him out of my mind...

Come on la, Fadiah...try your best and take those who love you...not those who you loved...

today, i had my midterm...yesterday, i could not study at all...i was reading the notes for today midterm and yet, my mind was wandering around on the thoughts of him and what we had done...

O Allah...help me please....

Decision

In life, there will be time for you to make decisions. Be it an important one or not, decisions will always be things that will affect your life.

The same goes with me. There are a looooooot decisions that I have to make such as to continue my studies, having relationship with someone etc.

Recently, I made a decision to meet with someone who i rarely know... We went out and he brought me around kL...i went back around 4 am...and yes, I admit that I am crazy. But trusting someone who rarely know, is it wrong?

I'm not sure of my true feelings towards him. The only thing that I know that I trust him as long as he is sincere with me...I did not force him to contact me or become close to me. If he want to, then it is my pleasure. But if he want to stop, then it is my pleasure to stop. I am not the one who will do something that someone else did not want to....

That path....

Salam people...

Right now, I'm in S'pore, having a short break from exams....I have this 10 days of exam gaps...

At first. I don't want to go back, because I want to study. But my parents came to KL on Sunday, and they ask me whether I would like to follow them back or not. At first, I was like...."ermmm...let me think about it first k..." Later that night, I decided to go back. I cannot find any reasons on why I want to go back. It is just a sudden decision and I lyke!

I rarely make a sudden decision because I'm a fickle-minded person. And I think that I wanna change. Yeah....I want to make changes within myself. It is not that I don't like myself, but I just feel that I need to change. I want to stop all these crappy things that I have been doing...such as wasting my time, living without goals, gossiping about people etc.

I realized this thing after I watched a Japanese drama titled 'Rookies'. It was a good drama that make me realized something I would have done it a looooong time ago. But, I know that it is not too late for me. I still have time to grab my opportunity. I want to make changes within myself and bring or do some changes to others' lives. It does not matter who the others are. What matter is I want to give. Yeah....just like one of the famous Ustaz quoted: "Erti hidup pada memberi" which means "The meaning of life is on what you give".

And yes, I have been doing a lot of thinking nowadays. There are many thoughts been floating inside my mind. The thoughts of my future plans, my exams, my interests ----> the third species.

If you have read my previous post, you would have notice one of my entry, talking about these species. I don't want to elaborate much about them. I don't know why I interested in them. The only thing I know that I am curious to know on how their mind really work. Recently, I visited some these species' blogs. It was beyond my expectation, because I didn't expect. I just did some blog readings and accidently encountered it. And as what expected from them, most of them lived based on desires. They changed partners, hunted for new and good looking men... And yes, of course I am being judgmental. Don't you worry cause that is one of my specialities *winks*.

Enough about them...Now I would like to update about my relationship progress.

I have to admit that I am not good in the romance thingy. It is just not my interest and I know that I will have to learn a lot about it. I once talked to my friend about it and she said that I have to learn. and YES, there are a lot of things that I must learn.

About 'the guy', I have did uncountable of istikharah and I still have to continue to do it till I made up my mind about him. But in the meantime, just let the matter rest for awhile. If he did feel the same way, he will know what to do.

Oh ya...I think that Im gonna feel sad because one of my close-frens is going to graduate. We fought a lot, always arguing...but deep down inside, I love her as my own sister. I do not know how to express and like I mentioned. I have a looot to learn for this musy-mushy stuffs.

k la, continue next entry. will be going back to IIUM this Friday & for now, just live the present and for the future!!!



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Now playing: Faizal Tahir - Cuba
via FoxyTunes

Wait Lah!

And indeed, I'm a procrastinator....

Just finished two of my group assignments & left one more conclusion to do...then revision tyme!

Exams are just around the corner...my first paper is on the 3rd of April, Friday. I haven't start any revisions yet...

Right now, I'm in Singapore and gonna have my journey back to IIUM tonite...I had to go back because my father told me to submit the MTFA bursary form. But when I went to MTFA, for submission, I found out that the application is open for JC and Poly students only...haiz...

But nevermind...I had some good times in my country. Went out with some of my girlfriends, chatting with some of my great buddies and staring at my lappy for many hours, to finish the literature review that I had to do.

And now, Alhamdulillah...I manage to finish all my works before going back to IIUM...as the saying goes: "There is always blessings in every challenges.."

Hmmm...I have this urge to write many things for this entry...what else eh?

Hah...before continue my story, I would like to let you know something about me...

Eventhough I seems like a talkative and outspoken person, but it does not apply to me all the time...there are somethings which I kept and never let a living soul knows about it...for example: my 'true' feeling towards some of my guyfriends...and it does not mean that I am lying...it is just that I feel that it is not necessary to tell everyone about it...

And yeah, currently I got to know this guy...he is quite nice, but as people, we are all imperfect...so there are something which I don't like about him...

Dyat told me that I am a judgmental person, and indeed, I am.

So I tend to jump easily to conclusion. I think that he likes me but he didnt dare to tell me. The way he treat, look and talk to me reflects his feelings, sometimes....however, I do dare to ask him. I would follow my friends' advice: Just go with the flow...

And yeah...I will just follow his lead...and until he takes the move, then I will definitely respond to it! yeaY! heee

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Now playing: LFO - Every Other Time
via FoxyTunes

Being HuMAn

May peace be upon you...

Last week had been a tiring week for me...physically and emotionally tiring...

Today, I'm back in S'pore...couldn't sleep...that's why I decided to blog...

And just now, I accidentally stumbled upon a beautiful video (below is the link) and its kinda inspired me somehow...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQTVkSjspNs

Having a lot of things to do, assignments to submit, meetings to attend etc. makes me feel myself is scattering and could not pull myself together...

But when I go back to s'pore, looking into my parents' face, talking to them...makes me realize that I am not alone...

I can be strong no matter what comes against me...

I can handle the situation and stabilize my emotional...

I realize that sometimes it is easy to be said than done....

During last week, I remembered that I cried so much without no one notices it...

It does not mean that I am trying hard to prove to others that I am strong....it is just not my way to show others what my real feelings are...bcoz
(1) I do not want them to bother about my stupid feelings
(2) I am trying hard to be strong here...so plez, support me k...

I am just a normal human being...full of mistakes, mistakes and mistakes....so when I done something wrong, it does not mean I don't realize it...but sometimes it is just I overlooked it and forget about it...

Day after day

In life, sometimes there is a necessary for you to be hoping for something...but too hopeful for something is not good...

In Islam, we are taught that you must not put your hope unless on ALLAH S.W.T. Therefore, putting hopes on others besides than ALLAH, will have either a positive or negative impact....

But hopes are essential things in life. As human, we are indeed a hopeful creature. We hope for everything in our lives, although sometimes we denied or did not really realized it....

As for me, sometimes I DO hope for people to understand me, to treat me right etc. However, I realized that it something that I should not do. Probably I should hope for the opposite (people hate or being rude to me) or simply putting no hopes at all.

And indeed, this life is full of difficulties and that what makes it wonderful =)

Cheers everyone!

Lets hope for more!

Yesterday...

Konnichiwa peeps...

This entry will be about what had happened yesterday...

A friend is a friend after all....

Yeah...and I found that it is true...

Even if you fall for that person, who is a friend to you...you will find that he/she is a friend after all...

Yesterday was quite a hectic day for me...

Woke up early, went to classes, had 2 meetings...and something happened...

The same old, stupid thing....

The QuarreL.... that unspoken Fight...

For many and many time, we had several misunderstandings and yet, we never spoke about it...

It was so DAMN tired to pretend that nothing ever happen between us...

Im SICK and TIRED of this no-named game...

In the state of pretending and just let things go off easily....

Are there people who let things off easily, without reflecting on them?

And yes, there are. Those are IGNORANTs. And I do not want to become any of them. NO.

So I want to have a nice talk with YOU (you know who you are) and clears things out.

So that I will not hold any grudges on you and in order to purify my heart, I must do this.

O ALLAH, please give me patience and honesty....

Uwaaaaa~

Ohaiyo peeps!

Im starving rite now...hehe

In the ITD lab...still waiting for the time to pass...

Woke up this morning, went to class in AIKOL, then the class was canceled as the lecturer didnt turn up...uwaaaaaaa~...

And there will be a meeting for the Media Team tonite...waiting for it...


It has been so looooong that I havent updated this blog...

It was a quite busy day for me since my return to IIUM, but I will try my best to update wif u, guys k?

Recently, i have been keeping secrets from a lot of people....I think, it is time for me to make more self-reflections and reduce my talking habit..hehe

It does not mean that I do not trust them, but I think it is not important for them to know... Therefore, I didnt tell them.

And when you decided to keep things from people, they will obviously talk about it... and YES, they do talk about me.

and I dont care.

as long as I feel that I can handle it, there is no necessity for anyone to know.

Haiyaaaa...all this worldly problem make my head spins la...

uwaaaaaa~

tak paham kan? hehe

Friends...

Some come and stay...

Some come, stay and leave...

Some come just to drop by...

They are FRIENDS.

I love them soooo much that I cant even express it in my own words....

But I know that I couldnt be same to everyone...there will always be some who are closed with me and some who are not.

but no matter how they are towards me....i still love and appreciate them.

May ALLAH blessed all of them!!!!! Amin...

Pieces of Me

Hola Peeps...

For this entry, im gonna write sumthing about my life journey before I started this blog....

First of all, let me start with my family.

I came from a small family...my parent, an older sister, me and a younger brother.

My sister is already married and she stayed in KL, while my brother is currently doing his degree in al-Azhar university in Egypt...

and now, the one that left in S'pore is only me and my parents...and soon I will be going back to KL too...because my holiday is gonna end in about 10 days from now...

ok...dat is about my family.

Now about my education....ermmm...I have graduated from:

- One of the madrasahs in Singapore
- One of the Quranic memorization Institution in Malaysia

and currently I am a full time student of an University in Malaysia

I will graduate in Nov 2009, insyaAllah...

Well, now a bit about my appearance....

I cannot describe exactly how I look like because I am not good in describing things, be it people or animal etc...

but I will try my best...

this is how I look like:
- wear glasses
- veiled
- small-sized, my height is about 1.4, i tink (didnt look like a 25th year old lady...people said dat I look younger than my age...well dat is wat they said...mayb...)


ok, that's it....

now. some info about my personality....

I am an outgoing person...I like to make friends with anyone...

I am a straight forward person....I will say what I feel...eventhough it will hurt the other person...so beware of me...but it still depends on situation though....

I love to talk and discuss about issues, but if I am not sure about the issue, I will tell you directly...

I like to do what I want but sometimes I does consider the others....

Hmmm...what else ar?

I think, that's all for now...and if you wanna find out about me, u can simply drop me a msg or email me ok?

That's all for now. peeps....

Truth - does hurt

Truth. That what people really want, and yet some of them are not able to face it.

Just like me.

Sometimes I do want to know the truth really bad...but when I know it, I had the difficulty to face it especially when it is against me.

However, I will accept it gradually, when I started to think and ponder upon it.

That is the TRUTH.

Just like what I've done towards W.

It is the TRUTH.

Although I knew that it is going to hurt myself, hurt him and others, but it still the TRUTH.

Although I feel bad about it, but I relieved that I had told him the truth.

I would have expected of his reaction, and I deserved that kind of treatment. I realized that I am not perfect, therefore I am trying my hard to make myself better.

I am tired of lying and being a hypocrite.

I just want to be myself.

I want people to accept me as I am.

I realized that when I became closed with W, I am drifted from my true self. Therefore, I decided to tell him the truth and stop all the lies.

I am grateful and happy now.

Thank you, ALLAH...for giving me the strength that I need.

Unspoken Words

Hi peeps...

Today, i went to the airport to send my aunty for the pilgrimage...

Then suddenly i received an SMS from someone i know...

Dyah, do u still used this number?

I was like...DUh!

ok...so i replied: Yup...why,sis?

Then about a minute like that, she called me...and here are the conversation:

"Dyah...you have been deceived!!"

I was like...huh? Then she continued...

"do u know that W hasn't deleted his FB?"

"Are you sure, kak? Coz he told me that he deleted it..."

"No..it is still on..."

"Owh ok la...mayb he restart it again...Later when i get back, i'll check..."

"Or it could be that he lied to you..he said that he deleted it, but he just delete you from his friends' list..."

"Hmmm...im not sure la, kak...nevermind...later, i'll check k..."

"Owh...ok. dats all i wanted to tell you...Salam."

-End of conversation-



After hang up, i was like...how could she called me just to inform me about that?

It was unreasonable, not important, and make me jump to conclusion.

And yes, i did jump to conclusion. I assumed that W really lied to me. Therefore, I smsed him.

if you didnt want to befriend with me anymore, just tell me. Do not lie to me. cause people will talk. And i dont like to hear those talking.

Then he replied,

let them talked. If we did sumthing, they will talk. If we didnt do it, they will also talk. there's no different.

I was soooooo shock after hearing that....Immediately I replied:

Fine. So from this moment, let us get too close with each other. Juz pretend that u didnt know me, and I didnt know you. End of story.

I was so damn surpised. How could he said like that? He did not even stand up for himself. I would expect him to say something else....

Well, after that I shared the story with one of my besties....she adviced me to stay calm and just do whatever I think dat it is right....

Im not sure why such things happened recently? It is like....hello, December...my birthday is near...i wanna be happy...

Mayb it is just a test for me....

yeah, mayb....

After some time after that, I emailed him, apologise for my loud behaviour....and at the same time, I asked him to do me a favour -----> to hate me.

Yes, that is exactly what I've asked him to do.

And the truth is, I do not want him to hate me.

This is me, lying again....